Challenging Relationships: A case study

Saraswati (name changed ) contacted me to deal with her servere anxiety problem. I chose the name Saraswati for her as Indian godess Saraswati is the godess of knowledge and this girl is extremely good in laguages. So....... Saraswati was doing her Ph.D. in some US University. She reported feeling extremely burdened with the assignments, lectures, her guide who was finding mistakes in every assignment she submitted. The thought of meeting her guide would trigger a panic attack and she was finding it difficult to sleep and organise her schedule.

She was so anxious that she needed three sessions to express all her thoughts and anxiety. Once she was out with all her thoughts and feelings we noted down all the areas of her life and issues which were troubling her. The troublesome issues were:

1. Saraswati wanted to do everything perfectly including her assignments, reading, writing, book translations, spending time with friends, exercise, etc. She had already published some books ( now you understand why I chose the name Saraswati 🙂) She was very enthusiastic about doing everything possible.

2. She was majorly troubled by the thought "what will others think about me!" She described herself as a people pleaser. This thinking habit was so ingrained in her that she was unable to see how it was affecting her relationships, her decisions and her choices. She continues to struggle with this habit.

3. There was only one area of her life which was troubling her the most and was the root cause of all the anxiety, disorganised schedules, jumbled thoughts, confusion and an on the edge feeling during that period. Saraswati was bisexual and had been in relationships with both the genders since her teenage. Her ongoing secret relationship with a woman, let's call her Sangini (which means a companion) was the most beautiful relationship she ever had. Saraswati worshipped this female and continues to do so. This long distance relationship is satisfactory in every sense to her. She found a friend, a mentor, a loving and caring person, a guide, everything that a person wants to see in his/her partner. But the only challenge was that this lady was still involved in another relationship with a female since many years. Saraswati and I together brainstormed as to why Sangini is holding on to her other relationship which she has been thinking to break away from. And why Saraswati also wants to hold on to it despite the love triangle that is causing so much anxiety.

After some intense discussions about the current relationship, past experiences, her family history Saraswati started using some communication techniques, coping mechanisms to handle anxiety and express her concerns to her beloved friend.

This case made me think about the various challenges that people face

• Increased levels of anxiety due to the balancing acts of managing career, unstable relationships, finances, family expectations, pleasure seeking activities, various addictions including drug, sex, shopping, sugar, smoking, social media , etc.

• Managing their own emotions as it's very difficult to trust anyone since almost all the companions are facing similar challenges.

• Fear and anxiety of losing a dear one.

• Managing feelings of loneliness.

• Loneliness due to emotional and physical distance between the family members.

• Complications due to the nature of the relationship status including situationship, long distance relationship, open relationship, casual relationship, friends with benefits, etc.

• Uncertainty around the acceptance of sexuality ( LGBTQ ) by self and the society.

There is a silver lining to the "gen Z" and "gen alpha's" personality which makes me feel positive and hopeful about their well-being. While talking with these youngsters I always get amazed with their level of self awareness and how smartly they articulate their thoughts and emotions.

Saraswati got a safe, non-judgmental listener to express herself and think without any inhibition with me. She is still trying to find out the best alternatives in life which will help her handle the relationship, manage her anxiety, manage the family pressure, focus on her studies and be happy at the same time. Tosha Life is a safe place to express your thoughts openly, revisit yourself with a non judgemental listner, explore various coping mechanisms, analyse your thinking errors and defense mechanisms and get a new perspective to your ongoing issues. You are not alone! I am just a call away!

Contact:

Swapna Vithalkar

+46 737608827

vithalkarswapna@gmail.com

toshalifecoach@gmail.com

toshalife.com